Pointless Orthodontist Appointment

Had a pointless (I stress pointless!) orthodontist appointment the other day. Got there five minutes early, signed myself in, waited half an hour (and I forgot to bring a book :/), and finally my name was called. I walked into the room where I found my orthodontist waiting behind a chair lowered at a 45 degree angle towards the floor. "On you get," says he with a cheesy smile and a pat on the head-rest.
I give the chair a bug-eye and gingerly slide on, half sitting up. "No, lower, lower," cries the orthodontist, "Slide up, slide up." Visibly reluctant, I slide up. When I am finally in a position he seems to find acceptable, I am hanging off the chair with my head perpendicular to the laminated floor, staring up at the wall. "Now," says he, "are you happy with your teeth?"
This is a bit of a poser. Well, of course I'm happy with my teeth, I mean I can't see myself envying my baby sister's mouth of milk molars, or my granny's set of pink dentures. Oh, I am perfectly happy with my teeth, if it comes to that. But then again, I do have a horsey jaw. Which means my teeth do stick out of my head a bit, WHICH is why I have been wearing braces for the last year and a half. "Hmmm, well...um..." I mumble to his chin, clutching at the damp cushiony arms of the chair to stop myself sliding off altogether. My feet must be at least ten feet above my head. I wish he would hurry up. I feel like a dummy.
He goes on to explain that he can do nothing for me and that my braces will be coming off soon.
My mother has come in, and I hear her detatched voice asking "Why?" Noooo, don't ask that!!!!
The orthodontist launches into a detailed explanation. What is he doing?! Can't he see I'm in a VERY uncomfortable not to say EMBARASSING position? I bet my canines I slide off the back of this chair before I can get off it.
Why did I have to get on this chair if he wasn't going to do anything to me?? He may as well have talked to me through the window... aargh, I'm slipping!... As if he read my mind, he tells me to open my mouth, and taps my teeth and gums a little to stress the points he is making.
"There," says he, "All done, off you go, I'll see you in two months for you to have your braces off." With difficulty and a rush of blood to the head, I stagger off the chair, feeling rather silly, and wander out of the room. Just before I enter the waiting room, I stop, contort my face to a suitable expression, and as I walk through the rows of waiting people, I hope they are thinking, "Oh dear, what has that poor girl been through, she was in there for ages, must have had at least a minor operation on her back molars, looks a little pale, glad I'm not her!..." Etc etc etc.
Actually, they don't look like they are thinking that in the least, but I'm sure my face is a little pale...
Well, at least the next app. isn't for another two months!!
xxxx